Questions, questions, questions.

Sammul’s Log: Aug 25th, 2018

I’m tired.
Not just tired because of physical of ailments. (Although those are there)

I’m not even tired because of emotional strains. (Also there)

mountains nature arrow guide

I’m just tired of my life setup. The places I eat, the places I sleep. The things I do, and the futility of everything.
I’m tired of looking around and wondering where it all leads.

I know, I’m only 22 years old, and I shouldn’t be worried about these things. I should be enjoying life, dating, and traveling, and living loud with friends. But I’m not doing any of those things. Not that I don’t want to, but because I can’t do those in a meaningful way until I understand the bigger picture behind all of those scenarios. What makes my life something meaningful? What is it that makes me worth the while, aside from friends, or loved ones, or accomplishments?

What am I to the world?

What makes me important?

And even beyond me, what makes life important?

What makes this whole existence make sense?

Life isn’t natural. I think about what breathing is. Sucking in the air to sustain life. Or I think about what I’m made of. I feel the bone in the center of my arm, and wonder where I am in this body. What’s the difference between me, my consciousness, and the physical biological makeup of the body I live in. Why do we say: “my body” in reference to our physical selves and not just “me” or “I”?

It’s because theres something more there than just a physical form.

So what am I?

person on a bridge near a lake

What am I to the world, or to the people in it? What makes me matter beyond just a physical form. Why am I more than a physical form?

What does that mean?

What do I do?

What is the reason for life? For living?

If all life eventually ends, then there has to be a point. Otherwise it wouldn’t be there.

Life isn’t random, it isn’t something that can just happen. It’s so much more impossible than that. The fact that life is beyond just a base-level unconscious instinct is baffling.

Life isn’t random

It’s only 3:22 in the afternoon, and it’s drizzling rain. I’m listening to the artist Light’s and Motion while I write about existence.

I want an answer somehow. But something that isn’t just talked at me by someone else of my own caliber. That is to say another human.

I want to hear from the Thing that organized all of this. The Thing that made the magic of life and spirit and soul intermingle into this humanoid form.

The Bible says that God created man “In His own image…in His image He created them. Male and female, He created them”

But why?

If the Bible is true, that gives a place to start asking questions, but if the Bible isn’t true, then what other answers do we have that are beyond the physical?

You can’t answer a spiritual question with a physical answer.

I want to hear from the Thing that organized all of this. The Thing that made the magic of life and spirit and soul intermingle into this humanoid form.

I’ve asked a lot of questions today, and none of them are easy to answer. They are jumbled and disorganized, but that’s the nature of these questions. The messy ones. The ones that challenge us. Make us think.

I hope that you ask questions on a regular basis. It just makes for a healthy mind.

So, I’d like to hear: What questions are you asking today? (Or this week, or this month?)

Have you found answers?

Comment and let me know!

I love to ask questions and help to answer the ones that I can. I hope that we find truth at the center of our questions, and we don’t hesitate when we have an answer we don’t particularly like.

Because truth is a core. It’s not always easy to get to, but whether you like it or not, it is what holds existence together.

Never stop asking questions, and live life well.

7 Comments

  1. The simple idea of constantly being tired (physically, mentally, the whole speel) and asking “questions” is actually quite meaningful and not simple a tad in the way you posed those questions you have and then how you followed up on why you feel you need answers. Does that make sense? I don’t care if it doesn’t, I suppose, not to be harsh, but all in all, I enjoy the fact that you feel the need to question life. That’s important. It shows you think there is more to life than just surface surroundings and present happenings, though those are important to enjoy wholeheartedly, yes, I think those can be God’s gift in a way to us, the things you mentioned above that you feel like you “should” be doing, like traveling or just in general enjoying life, like being with friends. Those things are part of what makes life, worth living, I think, enjoying it by helping others, smiling through what makes our souls grin, and becoming who we are meant to be and already are, growing. Hm. Do you not feel like you’re currently enjoying your life? You seemed to group that happening in with other events you felt you should be doing, yet are not? 🤔 I sometimes don’t enjoy parts of life that bring well just, pain, because that’s involved, but learning and experiencing I think can be a part of enjoyment, though perhaps my definition of enjoyment is skewed. I don’t know. It is curious. Nice post, Sam and if you want to answer my question above I’d love to hear your response. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey Molly, to answer your question about “do I enjoy life?” the short answer is: yes.

    The longer answer is a little more complicated. I enjoy certain aspects of my day-to-day life. I enjoy telling stories, and I enjoy making quality products that other people enjoy.
    These things that I enjoy end up having to do with the events I choose to take part in. Things like working at the place that I work, where my job is to create quality products for others and see their immediate reactions. Or things like Theater opportunities that I throw myself into, usually to the point of falling sick after a show, are also places for me to plug my passions into. Even though it’s hard, it helps to fulfill some of those questions that plague me.
    I would love to travel and meet some of those other accomplishments. But you know what? Some days, it seems like those things I haven’t reached are the only things worth living for, It seems the fact that I don’t have them makes me more of a loser. But I also understand that there is a process. To date someone successfully, you have to first learn how you function successfully. The others examples have similarly found accomplishments to come about first. Which I am working on.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Firstly, thank you for answering so thoroughly as I was hoping to be able to better understand where you were coming from when you mentioned life enjoyment there. I hope I don’t crowd up your blog, well log, over here, but I’m going to end up following this with another question or two, which goes right in theme with the post really, as it’s all about questions. Nonetheless, I just want to point out, when you called yourself a “loser”, I do hope that you don’t really believe you are one of those, Sam, especially not because you don’t have everything you are reaching for, that doesn’t make you a loser a bit. Also, I hope that you only used the word loser to express a thought, and that’s all. You’ve got an admirable character, losers don’t have that.

      Moving on, you questioned what the point of living is throughout the writing and in your previous comment, and if I read right, you believe that the things you currently aren’t accomplishing or taking part in are what makes life worth living possibly. To follow, you mentioned that if God DID create man then we can start asking questions from that mentality and The Bible, of course with faith as a guiding point. So going from a merely spiritual standpoint first, why do you think God created you? The things you mentioned that make life worth living, possibly, why do you think that you have to have certain accomplishments or life events or certain aspects put together in your life or within yourself first to move forward with those things? Why did you create that rule on yourself? Why not just dig into life and do the things you want and find worth it without all the backing you find yourself thinking you’re needing first? Does that make sense? I know my viewpoint on it of course for my own life, but I’m curious on yours. Basically, I’m re asking you a question you kind of asked that you had no answer to because I wanna know what you’d say if you had to answer on the spot. I love questions. 🧐

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  3. Good questions all around.
    Primarily when I’m calling myself a loser, within the context, I was saying that some days it seems like those accomplishments are would keep me from becoming a loser. Not necessarily that I am one now. To show that some days aren’t the most positive, or the most insightfully self-promoting.
    A lot of these “definitions of success” that I use are coming from the ideas and dreams of myself and how they mix with the societal norms of a sociable and happy person. So It’s not exactly true that I think those are my restrictions on happiness, or that is to say, a rule to happiness that I need to follow, But more like, the mortality moment when you look at another version of your life, and realize that you want some of that, but it’s just not how life is set up.
    It’s just a part of the questioning process, I think.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for clarifying the loser comment, as well as your thoughts all in all. I understand where you are coming from where as yes, some days, life is not the most “insightfully self-promoting” in the slightest. Your mind is intriguing, and so I have just one more question or a few for this log you posted to finish up this thought that I am curious on for now….You mention you don’t have a rule of happiness you feel you need to follow. (I realize that you know this is all part of the questioning process, I just wanted to further pick your brain.) Nonetheless, although you don’t feel there are restrictions on your happiness or rules, you still mentioned sometimes life is just not set up in the way you want it. Why not? I will be more specific. Why not make your life the way you want it and bend life to the way you imagine in that other version of your life during your morality moment that you enjoy thinking of what life could be for yourself? I could let myself think that life is only going to have boundaries if I let it, so I don’t let it. Perhaps we are the ones that “set life up” in the way “we” want it to be. Is there something holding you back from that other version of your life besides the idea that “life just isn’t setup that way always”? “Taking the reins of life” they may say. Who is they? That doesn’t matter and is rhetorical.

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      1. As far as I understand, your question is essentially asking “Why don’t you make your own life if the life you’re living isn’t satisfactory to your liking?”
        My answer is that making your life something you like isn’t an easy or quick process. It’s arduous, even when you know exactly what you want. When you don’t know what you want or why you want it, the process will only take longer to figure out. Some of these questions that I pose in this log are involved in that attempt to define what I want so that I have a better idea how to go about my life. It takes many experiences, and lots of trial and error to learn the best and most effective way to live your life.
        I could travel if I wanted to. I could jump in the car and take off. I might enjoy it, but when I got back, I would have to pick up work again and go back to the grind. Same old same old. The kind of life that I want to have is one that is more of a day-to-day enjoyment. Where I love what I do, and my home brings peace, and I get enough sleep at night, and I understand what my place is in the world. That sort of a dream doesn’t happen just by one choice, but by a lot of the right choices over time to bring them together.
        Does that make sense?

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  4. Yes, that makes a lot of sense. 🙂 I was curious as to how literal or “realistic” you viewed living compared to varying ways of looking at choices we can make to define our lives. That’s what I was hoping to understand and now I do. I’ll refrain from asking more questions for now, as I am extremely curious about everything, but I’ll leave off with saying I did indeed think you already knew what you wanted and didn’t know how to go about getting it, not that you were still looking for that answer in particular as well. I as well hope you find a way to enjoy life to the most full capacity offered to ou even when it’s not currently what you find ideal. In my own mind (again, I understand I do look at life through rose colored glasses a tad), even the most mundane periods and testing trials don’t overall make life less enjoyable. Life being crazy can be enjoyable. Making life day to day, worth living doesn’t have to be so hard, it’s easier with the right mindset. So have an enjoyable evening, or morning and I hope you only continue to find your answers, Sam.

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